The 2009 Academy Awards

Slumdog Millionaire, a.k.a. the greatest escapist feature I've seen in several years, a film that made me feel magically transported to another world for a few hours in a way that no movie has done since the Disney films of my childhood, picks up the big awards.

Sean Penn, for whom I opened the door once at the orthodontist, picks up Best Actor for a truly phenomenal turn as Harvey Milk. I haven't seen The Wrestler yet, so maybe Mickey Rourke should have won, but Penn was convincing and inspiring as Milk. Plus, I totally almost met him that one time.

Hugh Jackman's song-and-dance through the Best Picture nominees (and Batman) at the beginning was enormously entertaining. I like hosts who try not to make Jack Black and Jennifer Anistons of themselves.

Zac Efron is a douche.

What the fuck was with that Best Animated Short guy saying, "Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto," at the end of his speech? Americans don't need to be racistly hilarious toward Asians anymore. They can do it themselves, thank you very much.

Danny Boyle looks like a man who could do awesome magic tricks and should open a candy factory. Also, has he ever made a bad movie?

Yeah. Fun stuff.