The Bottle of Wine

This one seems obvious, but the fact remains: Few things are as pleasing as a good bottle of wine. Saving the delicious stuff inside perhaps for a later date, I draw your attention to the vessel. A 750ml container is the perfect thing for storing, transporting, and enjoying the nectar of the gods. True, there are those mondo bottles of Yellow Tail and those itty bitty single-serve bottles popular at pizza joints in states that aren't run by Mr. Hester Prynn. And there's the box, the bag, the utter, whatever. To each its purpose, but none are as versatile as the slender, chic standby.


Use #1: The Social Gathering
The typical glass of wine measures 5 oz. In a standard bottle, then, there are about six glasses. [citation needed] General rule of thumb is to take the number of people you expect at your party and divide by three. This allows for two glasses per person and thus a fun time and a safe drive home. Variations on this equation are clearly accepted and in some cases encouraged, but it's nice to know that the bottle of wine is doing its part to provide a ballpark figure. In an appeal to my New-Englander sense of utilitas, a very useful unit of measure!

Use #2: Dinner for Two
"Why don't we split a bottle of wine?" Standard ice-breaker and signal to begin paying some mind to the menu, the question arises. Why don't we, indeed!

Economical, bond-building, and generally convenient, ordering a bottle of wine to start off a meal is a sure-fire way to leave happy. Beyond the practical implications involved, 750ml of wine split two ways is the perfect passage to wanderlust. Each party joined by the effort to fulfill their end of the bargain, the quest to the bottom becomes an art in collaborative pacing and eventually leads to consensual heaviness and levity of mind. There's no telling what could happen from there.

Use #3: The Personal Adventure
Taboo though it no doubt is, drinking a bottle of wine by oneself sports a host of advantages. Rarely does one's attention focus intently on taste for a period exceeding an instant. Unlike the songs that remind us of youth, the photos that become our sharp memories, and the smells that hover above our control, establishing taste as an experience that colors a series of moments rewards the attentive tongue with the gift of prolonged repetition. Life goes on while the palate keeps nodding to precedents rising and rising again. Sip after sip, the present receives a reminder that it too shall pass.

Drinking an entire bottle will also, I admit, get you drunk. Good or bad, however, the 750ml unit establishes an expectation while also imposing a limit: You will have this much disorientation for now. It will be attributed to me. The taste of this night and its angles will bear the name of my label. You chose rationally to be exactly this irrational.

I support the informed approach to this choice.


The method is tried and the method is true; industry standard has no doubt learned what works best. The bottle of wine is an icon at least, and these days the thought of some constant is reason enough to start clinging and clinging some more.